Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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