Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
