Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
