I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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