Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
What a dumb baby whore.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
