I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
