Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
