im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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