My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I came so hard my ears popped.
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