You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
