That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
