Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
