so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
