Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
