You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
