i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
