just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
