Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
