You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
