Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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