i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
