connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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