3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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