Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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