oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
