I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize