just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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