im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
