I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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