Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize