if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We are all done wearing pants today
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
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