I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
