Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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