She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
