I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
