lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
