exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
