i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
