Swine flu is the new snow day.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize