I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
