maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
