One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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