i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
