The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
