Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
