I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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