Who wears a wallet chain?!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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