even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
