i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
