Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
third nipple confirmed
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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