he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
