I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
