Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
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HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
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I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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