im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
there's paper in my vomit.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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