You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
