i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
