First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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