I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
