the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize