Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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