Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
