Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize