i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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