I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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