we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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