I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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