i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
