The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
