Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
